Life is Grand!!!

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

My B-day

Well, today is the "big" day. I am now 25. Whoop-de-freakn-da.

I wished I liked my b-day, but I don't. I haven't since I was little. I have accepted the fact that I will never have any more fulfilling birthdays. Know why? Because I am an adult. I am a woman. I am married. I am a mother. I have no one to take care of me the way my parents did. I am now the parent, the care provider. I take care of my family and my home.

When the hubby gets sick, I take care of him. But who takes care of me when I am sick? NO ONE! I have to take care of myself and continue on with my responsibilities. SAHM don't get sick days or time off.

I guess I am really just missing my mom right now. She would know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. I miss that daily comfort...but I am an adult now. It's my turn to give the comforting.

All of this has made me come to realize how much my parents really mean to me. I miss being a kid and running to them with all my problems. I miss the late night talks I had with them. I miss having my mom sing Happy Birthday to me as I wake up from sleep. I miss thinking that everything is all right because mom and dad are here.

Am I a sap? Maybe. I just wish that I was not so quick to grow up. Don't get me wrong, I love being an adult. But, I miss the comfort I had while a child in my parents home.

I hope this brings a little insight into why I hate celebrating my birthday. I hate being disappointed and vulnerable. But all this comes because I am an adult. I shouldn't expect to be taken care of anymore because it's now my job to do the caring. It's my turn to make sure that everyone around me is happy. I have to give everything of myself and expect nothing in return. It's fine if I do get a return, but like I said, I am not expecting it anymore.

Happy(not really) B-day to me..........or whatever.

Blogger l.a.h. said...

Hey! I get to be the first to wish you a happy birthday. : ) It is tough getting older and realizing that there's no one to make a fuss over you anymore. I hope your hubby does something nice for you today ... you deserve it!

February 01, 2005 2:22 AM

Blogger loelsh said...

Happy pityparty,uh, I mean birthday to you, lol. I know what you mean about never having a day off. It's all part of the wife/mommy job! And as for missing your mom, well, I know what that's like. At least yours is still here for you to go to if you wanted to. My mom and I got a lot closer AFTER I became an adult, and she was always the person I went to with my problems and for comfort up until she died. She always knew how to make me feel better. I no longer have that in my life and never will again for as long as I'm on this earth. Well, hey, thought I'd join in the "p-party". Hope somehow you are able to count your blessings and enjoy your day:)

February 01, 2005 7:39 AM

Blogger A Woman From Illinois said...

Happy Birthday Trinity,

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. At times, we all miss the security, simpleness, calmness and quiet life of yesteryear.

February 01, 2005 1:47 PM

Blogger ghraper said...

Wow, I wish I said cool stuff like WFIL. That was great!

February 01, 2005 2:54 PM


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