My B-day

Well, today is the "big" day. I am now 25. Whoop-de-freakn-da.

I wished I liked my b-day, but I don't. I haven't since I was little. I have accepted the fact that I will never have any more fulfilling birthdays. Know why? Because I am an adult. I am a woman. I am married. I am a mother. I have no one to take care of me the way my parents did. I am now the parent, the care provider. I take care of my family and my home.

When the hubby gets sick, I take care of him. But who takes care of me when I am sick? NO ONE! I have to take care of myself and continue on with my responsibilities. SAHM don't get sick days or time off.

I guess I am really just missing my mom right now. She would know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. I miss that daily comfort...but I am an adult now. It's my turn to give the comforting.

All of this has made me come to realize how much my parents really mean to me. I miss being a kid and running to them with all my problems. I miss the late night talks I had with them. I miss having my mom sing Happy Birthday to me as I wake up from sleep. I miss thinking that everything is all right because mom and dad are here.

Am I a sap? Maybe. I just wish that I was not so quick to grow up. Don't get me wrong, I love being an adult. But, I miss the comfort I had while a child in my parents home.

I hope this brings a little insight into why I hate celebrating my birthday. I hate being disappointed and vulnerable. But all this comes because I am an adult. I shouldn't expect to be taken care of anymore because it's now my job to do the caring. It's my turn to make sure that everyone around me is happy. I have to give everything of myself and expect nothing in return. It's fine if I do get a return, but like I said, I am not expecting it anymore.

Happy(not really) B-day to me..........or whatever.