Life is Grand!!!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Act Of Service

Last night while I was at the autistic boy's house, my hubby decided to strip the bed and remake it with clean sheets. I know I should be grateful for this...but I'm not.

Here's why...when he does things like that around the house, it makes me feel worthless. It's like he is pointing out my laziness by doing a chore of mine. Making the bed is my responsibility. He has his own responsibilities at work, just as I do at home. I don't go to his work and pick up his slack. He shouldn't do the same for me.

I know he was just trying to make me happy. One of my love languages is acts of service, so in his eyes he was attempting to show me love. Unfortunately it didn't come across that way...and I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that what he did for me was a waste of time.

I want to appreciate his thoughtfulness. He didn't have to do it, but he wanted to. But why does his acts of service make me feel like crap?

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Blogger Oh great One said...

Oh MY GOODNESS! I haven't met anyone else, besides my sister in law and my husband, that has actually read The Five Love Languages! Right on!

I'm sorry it made you feel bad just remember it was done out of love. Not because you are some sort of slacker. Love baby LOVE!

May 20, 2005 12:03 PM

 
Blogger Robin said...

Sounds like you are territorial about what you consider your work. Can you think of things that he could do that wouldn't make you feel like he thinks you're doing a bad job?

Normally someone whose love language is acts of service would welcome what he did. Are you sure that that is it for you?

I guess it would also depend on how he usually makes you feel about the house. If he is always complaining about it and just up and does something like this, it could be taken like "oh, I'll do it then if you won't!" rather than "I love you".

Perhaps just biting your tongue and saying "Thank you" would be a good start.

May 20, 2005 4:17 PM

 
Blogger Trinity13 said...

Just about everything having to do with our home is my responsibility. It's my hubby's job to go out and make money for us to survive...my job is to take care of the house(we are both responsible for our son and the cat). That's what I personally feel is part of being a sahm.

So in my eyes, if he has to do part of my job, it makes me feel lazy. He shouldn't have to...it's not his job.

I have taken the love languages test several times. My primary and secondary languages are always switched around depending on what's going on in my life at the time. But most of the time, these two languages(acts of service and words of affirmation) go hand in hand. I love it when a person's actions back up their words. So, if my hubby would have asked me if he could remake the bed, I would have been okay with it and I would have felt loved.

As far as me biting my tongue, I haven't said one word about the bed making. I just needed a little rant on my blog. I know he sometimes reads it, but it's not like he hasn't done something like this in the past. He knows that it upsets me and I guess I will just have to get used to it.

May 20, 2005 6:02 PM

 
Blogger Angela said...

Most women would trade you in a heartbeat for a husband who helped out at home.

May 22, 2005 8:43 PM

 
Blogger Princess21 said...

Trin,
As a really good friend I just wanted to say... Oh my Goodness!!!! You are so silly! I am not putting your feelings down, but seriously!!! :)

But in a way I kind of agree with you! A knows the things that I am ok with him doing. Like I love it when he sweeps the floors, or even put the folded laundry away. (Even though I may have to put the things in their rightful place). He knows that these are things that if he wants to help out is good to do. Like unloading the dishwasher, not loading it mind you.

K, I think we are both insaine. I know that sometimes I wish he did more to help out, since I also work a full time job outside of the home, but most of the time I like to do it as a display of my appreciation for him.

But try to be easy on G. He was just trying to help. I am not sure he meant any harm. He knows how much you do around the house, your job as you say, and wanted to pull his own wieght. I know you are just venting, so I hope that helped.

May 23, 2005 9:46 AM

 
Blogger Trinity13 said...

I know he was trying to help out, but he doesn't have to. He pulls his own weight by working out of the home.

And Angela...I'm going to switch it around on ya. Most men would trade my hubby in a heartbeat for a wife who gets upset about her husband helping out in the house.

May 23, 2005 9:57 AM

 

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