Baby Birth
Just this week I finally let my hubby know that I want my mom with us in the operating room when our little it born. I have wanted to tell him for months now, but I knew I wouldn't like his reaction. So I waited it out till the right time, but he still isn't up for it. I explained to him that it would be a special bonding time for my mom and I. She has never seen a C-section performed before, and she would love to be with me for this one. It would also allow her to see her new grandson fresh from the womb. She is also curious in how the times of changed since she had her last child, my bro, in '86. It would just be a neat experience for her and I want to be able to share this very special event with one of my best friends.
However, my hubby doesn't want her there with us. He wants it to be exactly the same way as when our first one was born. (And he doesn't want my mom to see all my inside and outside parts exposed.) For the operation, he was my only support buddy. Then we spent the next few hours alone with our newborn before inviting all of our family and friends to the hospital. It was a special bonding time that we had to get to know our new little son.
But I still want that with this child as well. I want my mom there for the operation, but then I still want my hubby/baby alone time afterward. She knows this and understands why this means so much to our family. So after getting a ton of pictures of her new grandson, she will leave the hospital before the baby is brought into the room with me. She will then be in charge of bringing over our first born so that he too can get a little alone time with his new sibling. After that, any and all can visit us!
I know my hubby doesn't like the idea of sharing the operating room with his mother-in-law, but who is the one having the baby?! :-) Since I can have two people there with me, I want to be able to share the miracle with my mom. I just want my hubby to understand why I want her there with me. I'm not asking for his permission to have her there, but I need him to be okay with my decision.
So, should I make my hubby happy and have him be my only support person? Or do I go with what I want and have my mom there?
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loelsh said...
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BagOfNothing.com said...
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Oh great One said...
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Jana said...
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Jennboree said...
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loelsh said...
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G said...
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Jean-Luc Picard said...
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Jennboree said...
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loelsh said...
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Anonymous said...
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Shannon said...
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Becky said...
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Trinity13 said...
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You're the one on the table, so I would say the final decision should be yours.
I had my mom in the room with me with my first two, and she was a GREAT support for me! Sometimes a girl just wants her mommy, no matter how old she is! There is nothing wrong with that.
With our son, my mom had already passed away so she wasn't there (physically). It was just hubby and I and we were able to spend alone time with just the 3 of us before our daughters were brought to meet him.
Both ways were nice and memorable and special for us. I wouldn't change the way we did it any of the times. Having a baby is special no matter who is there with you. It won't be any less special if your mom is there.
If you want her there, then she should be there. This is one time when it really is all about what YOU want!
August 25, 2006 9:54 AM
Both of you had the 'alone time' before, so I think he should be open to allowing your mother to tag along for this one. Just make sure to let him know you still value him being there, he may be feeling a little insecurity about this.
August 25, 2006 11:56 AM
I think you have offered a fair compromise. She gets to be there at first then gives you your space. I hope that he can see things from your perspective.
Good luck!
August 25, 2006 2:01 PM
I had my mom and my MIL there for my third baby's birth and they both loved the experience (they're both nurses, so I didn't feel too weird about them seeing everything). My mom let me know how much she appreciated being with me for Isaac's birth, so I invited her for Noah's also. Hubby took the stance that it was me giving birth, so I could do what I wanted. I think if you want her there, you should have her there.
August 25, 2006 2:35 PM
I don't know. I think I feel a little differently than the others. Yes, you are the one on the table but it is still an experience you and husband share that is special, even if it is a c-section. My husband would feel the same way as yours with our second too.
Keep talking to him and both of you discuss why each feels differently concerning your mother joining in. Perhaps in our situation it is easier because I just want my husband there during the surgery.
August 25, 2006 4:15 PM
Bagofnothing had a good point, too. I know that some guys already feel left out of the whole having a baby thing since we are the ones that carry the baby for 9 months, we form a special bond with it, we feel it moving around inside of us, we give birth to it, we feed it.
Maybe he feels that by adding your mom to the mix, he isn't needed (as much)? And feels more left out?
I still think that ultimately it should be your decision. But hopefully he can see that you don't want her in there because you are trying to take anything away from him or that he isn't needed. And I think it's good that your mom agreed to leave and let you still have your bonding time alone.
August 25, 2006 7:29 PM
O.K. Gotta chime in here.
Lo, Am I a bad person for not wanting to share the O.R. with my mother-in-law?
Yes, MIL has seen Trin's bits and pieces, before, and no Trin will not be shy when it's time for the baby to get here, because at that point it is all about the baby getting here safe and sound for her.
I know it will be a very special event whether MIL is there or not. I'd just strongly prefer she not be there.
Trin's desires will ultimately prevail. It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out.
The way I feel is that it does take away from the special moment OUR child is born to look over and see someone who didn't directly contribute to the child's conception or delivery, sharing those first moments with us.
In another way, it plain creeps me out to think about a relative(someone we see regularly) knowing what my wife looks like down there, even if it is her mother. I know... I know, it's about the baby, not Trin's womanhood - sheesh!
Listen BoN, I'm not insecure about anything here. Who told you that? And what else did they say about me?
OGO, Fair compromise indeed... Heads she wins, Tails I lose! Now that's true perspective for ya!
Jana, Nurses is one thing, but Trin's Mom owns a salon. What do you say? Yeah Mom, just a little off the top?
Jennboree, Thanks for your support!! The least she can do is talk me into seeing why her way is the right way. Then if I don't come around, just do what she wants anyhow.
Maybe reading this will change my mind.
Lo again, It's not that I'll feel left out, I'm just not keen on letting anyone else in.
And had we discussed this months ago, I would have had a lot longer time to work through it and accept it graciously... or not so graciously.
In the end, all I want is to be heard, then to be told I'm stupid, and have my input totally ignored afterwards. That's all I ask.
August 26, 2006 2:28 AM
Do you think your mother can face this event? It might be traumatic for her, and she could pass out. She really needs to be sure she can face it.
Whatever your mother wants, it's the fact that your hubby is there that is more important than anything else.
August 26, 2006 7:32 AM
One last viewpoint on this subject from me since I too am having a 2nd c-section in about 5 weeks:
It is our child's birth but it is STILL a major surgery that could very possibly have complications, for mother or baby. That's just a fact we've come to grips with. My mom is wonderful support but I wouldn't want her to witness anything other than holding her beautiful grandbaby and daughter after. That's just my opinion. You and your husband will surely do what's best and most comfortable for both of you.
August 26, 2006 7:31 PM
I don't know, because I've never actually had a c-section, but, don't they usually cover up the nether regions with one of those paper cloths or something? They do that in other surgeries. Only exposing the area being cut, which, (and I may be wrong since like I said I've never personally had one), I thought was the abdomen.
Maybe you should ask Trin though G, since, from what I understand, you stood behind the curtain at her neck the entire time with your first.
Hate to say it, G, but you are exactly like your father and his "privacy".
August 26, 2006 11:13 PM
I think your husband is being selfish about tis. Explain that you need another woman there who will understand wwhat you are going through. He'll get over it.
August 27, 2006 8:06 PM
For each birth I had my sister with me, along with my husband. Hubby was very supportive about it. Though, even if he wasn't, I think I would have had her in there anyway.
I would say, if it is that important to you, explain again to him why. From your previous posts, your hubby sounds like a supportive caring husband. He might not get it now, but maybe come to understand with time.
August 27, 2006 11:52 PM
Frankly I think this is a stupid argument. I know there are people who are modest, and want that 'area' unseen, but I guessing, your mom isnt weirded out by a womans vagina. After all, she has one, had children, and oh by the way is probably a little mature about the whole idea.
For all of my children, I had my mom there. There was never even a discussion about it. I suppose I am alittle biased in my thoughts here, to me its not a sexual experience...its a celebration of life, and who better to share it with than the one who gave you life?
August 28, 2006 9:05 AM
i haven't had a c-section, i didn't think you were "really exposed". i can understand why you would want your mom there and i do think, because you're the one on the table, you should have the final say, but you do have to consider your husband's feelings as well. this is a tough one.
August 28, 2006 9:29 AM
I've never had kids, so it's hard for me to tell what would be the norm except what my own personal preference would be (no one but my hubby). It's such a personal choice that's different for everyone. But, it's your husband's experience, too, so I guess I go with the idea of working with your husband to reach a common point.
August 28, 2006 2:34 PM
Check out the 8-26 post answering your comments...thanks!
August 30, 2006 8:14 AM
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