Ummm...
Yesterday my hubby, son, and I went over to my grandparent's (in law) house to spend some time with visiting relatives. I guess it was the grandparents niece and nephew, their son, and his daughter ( I don't exactly know how everyone was related). Well, the little visiting girl walked over and hit her grandpa. With her daddy watching, the grandpa smacks the girl back! Did I mention that his son, the little girl's daddy, was sitting right there?!
Okay first off, did she really deserve a smack? Second, if the daddy wanted her punished, why did he do it? If my son acts up in front of my parents, it is my responsibility to discipline him. I would be the one in charge and I would find it very disrespectful (to me) if my parents were to discipline my son with me standing there.
Am I crazy to be thinking this way? Would you be okay with your parents smacking your child right in front of you? Is it a Kentucky thing (where the visitors were from)?
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Shelley L. MacKenzie said...
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Hi, found my way here from Bonnie Writes.
I think I would tend to agree with you, that the discipline should be done by the parent in a situation like that. I wonder though if this is something they have discussed and the son gave his father and mother permission to punish the grandchildren.
October 02, 2005 7:59 PM
As you probably know, I was over there yesterday (earlier) too, and I saw the same kind of thing.
The grandparents were very active in caring for the girl and the dad didn't do doo doo.
Maybe the grandparents are basically the primary caregivers of the kid, at least in the absence of the mom.
The need to smack the 18 month old back though, can definitely be debated!
October 02, 2005 8:16 PM
I know that they have a babysitter (not the grandparents) for her during the day, but, the families live close by. They see a lot of each other (or so I heard), so I think that the grandparents are a little TOO comfortable with disciplining in front of her parents.
October 02, 2005 8:25 PM
Thanks for visiting yesterday. :0)
I'm with you - sounds weird, but then, if what guru says is true, then I guess I could see why the grandparent took it upon himself to take care of the discipline (although the means of displine is definitely debatable).
I had a sister-in-law who took it upon herself to discipline ALL the kids - hers, ours, and others - when we went camping as extended family together. The other family members told me to "put up with it" because she is bipolar.. We finally quit going because the last time she yelled at my daughter I was ready to punch her in the teeth and my husband had to take us for a drive. Bipolar or not - I'm the parent. I'LL do the discipling, THANK YOU.
October 02, 2005 8:30 PM
Hmm..I would say that it is a "parenting" thing, not a Kentucky thing. Some people find it easier to sit back and let someone else do it. Although that is never good for anyone in the end....
October 02, 2005 11:07 PM
I guess it is all about the family dynamic and what is normal in their circles, but I would not be comfortable with it in my house
October 03, 2005 10:07 AM
I think maybe it depends on the family. I am totally OK with my parents discilping my boys if they're out of line, but we are very close and it's something that was discussed long ago (I expressly told them it was fine with me.) They know which types of discipline I find acceptable and if I've stepped out of the room they know what they're allowed to do... If I'm sitting right there in there in the room though, I would definilty be the one to handle my kid...
October 03, 2005 1:38 PM
ey girl - this is way wacked! Totally off base! It's a parent's responsibility to discipline the child, not the grandparent's, and to do this in broad daylight to boot! MAN!
October 03, 2005 2:51 PM
I'm a firm believer in discipline, however, it's important to tell the grandparent that only the parent has the right to do this.
October 03, 2005 2:56 PM
Under regular circumstances I would agree. However there are times when parents DON'T discipline the child. When it comes to hitting action should be taken. I have inlaws who don't disipline in those situations and I wait to see what they do, IF they don't step in, I do. The PARENT should be the person to take care of it but that isn't always the case.
October 03, 2005 3:30 PM
i've never heard of that, but i grew up without being smacked and i've never smacked my kids.
October 03, 2005 6:44 PM
wow! i would probably have said something, like:
"um, do you SEE her dad sitting right here? could you BE any more out of line? could i TALK anymore like chandler bing?"
seriously though, i think it probably depends on the grandparents relationship to the child. as a teacher, i see lots of gparents step in as primary caregivers while the parents continue living a life of sloth and irresponsibility. so in a situation like that, i would think that the grandfather had every right to discipline her, if it were something previously agreed upon by all parties involved.
October 03, 2005 7:25 PM
you are not wrong to be feeling that way. I would be very upset if someone were to discipline my kids with us right there.
October 03, 2005 8:59 PM
I also don't know them well enough to know what their situation is or their relationship. When my mom was alive, and she watched the girls, she was allowed to give them swats if they deserved them (not that she did it too often). But yeah, if the parent is sitting right there, he should have stepped up and took control of the discipline. But, like someone else said, maybe they have agreed that it's ok for the grandparents to discipline. Maybe she's done that before and the parents told the grandparents to "just hit her back". You never know. I'm not saying I agree with it, but there are plenty of people who do that.
I know I have said something to grandpa R before about him trying to repremand my kids while I am sitting right there. I think it is totally inappropriate, even if you're "in their home". It's the parents' job!
October 03, 2005 9:27 PM
Thanks for your input everyone!
I guess the general concensus is that it's the parents job to discipline...unless they have given the grandparents permission.
But it just didn't look right in my eyes.
October 03, 2005 11:20 PM
Oh yes, a warning is always best. It's good to let a child know that what they did was wrong and that if they did it again, they would be punished.
(Btw, there was NO warning when the grandfather before hit the baby back.)
October 04, 2005 7:27 AM
That is the biggest key for me. I don't care who is allowed to do what in what situation so much as I care that this kid is 18 months old and was hit without any apparent warning.
That troubles me most of all.
October 04, 2005 11:31 AM
Hi! Amanda Sue's sis here.
My overall opinion is that if the parents clear it with the grandparents to discipline, then that's the parents' call to do so.
HOWEVER, it bothers me that anyone would smack a child because hitting for hitting never makes sense.
I probably would blow up like a volcano of mother fury if my parents ever disciplined my daughter like that! But I wouldn't hit. I'd smack em around with angry words. haha
October 04, 2005 12:57 PM
Hey, [SMACK]... We don't hit!
When we were little, and in the care of our grandparents, they were allowed to discipline us as far as I remember. (Without our parents around)
The thing that deterred us most from misbehaving though, was the threat of our parents being told about our actions.
I think most of us are of a distintly different generation than the folks being discussed here.
Back in the day, if you acted up at your friends house, your friend's dad would whoop your butt, drag you home, tell your dad, then youd get whooped again!
It was almost expected that all adults took responsibility for all kids. Again, that's when the parents weren't around.
October 04, 2005 11:19 PM
Oh how different we are today then we were 20 years ago.
October 05, 2005 12:33 AM
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