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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Saying I Love You

My hubby tells me that he loves me all the time. He tells me before work, when he comes, while watching TV, when I'm helping my son eat his dinner, right before bed, etc., etc. I appreciate it, really I do, but he wants to me say "I love you too" in response. While that's a nice thing to do, I can't. It's not that I don't love him, but I just don't like being made to do anything. If I want to say I love you, I will. I won't say it out of obligation.

And I def don't want to do it out of habit and or have it be a knee jerk reaction. I want to really mean it every time!!!

In fact, I think he says I love you too often. It's like he doesn't even think about it. It's just something he has to say to me, his wife. He'll insist that he means it every time, but I still think it's too much.

I must be crazy!

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Blogger Sandy said...

When my husband goes on the overkill binge I start to rely on phrases like, "Of course you do", "Why wouldn't you", and "I know." :)

Then I remind him that a better way is to show me - like by unloading and loading the dishwasher.

Michele sent me tonight.

January 12, 2006 11:15 PM

 
Blogger Minerva said...

Well, I am JEALOUS to bits....Does he have a twin brother who is single? I have always been the one who said it first, so maybe that is why?

Michele sent me...

Minerva

January 12, 2006 11:25 PM

 
Blogger Karen said...

Well, this sort of goes under the heading of PDA, doesn't it? Some people are better and more comfortable at it than others. I'm with you. I save it for big occasions.

Michele sent me!!

January 12, 2006 11:43 PM

 
Blogger ghraper said...

Of course there are other methods of communicating love besides saying, "I love you", but none of them are complete without the spoken word.

Performing an unrequested chore is a great way to express love, but how does the lovee determine the lover's motive if they don't explain themselves?

How long should the "of course you do"s and "I know"s replace a natural loving reply?

From first hand experience, it is a huge rush to hear from the one you love that they love you too, instead of them just acknowledging, ignoring, or deflecting your statement.

When you have very few people in your life who REALLY love you, and even fewer who verbalize it, sometimes it's just nice to hear it.

The last thing I would ask is for anyone to be forced to say those 3 little words if they don't mean them.

Maybe I tell my wife that I love her too often(if that's possible), but I do mean it every time.

Those who know me best can testify that I don't say things I don't mean, especially nice things.

Bottom line: I know that I am loved. However, knowing isn't the same as feeling.

January 13, 2006 5:38 AM

 
Blogger cube said...

You're right, the phrase can be overused, but it is better than the alternative. Some people never hear it at all. Maybe you should tell him how you feel about it.

January 13, 2006 8:57 AM

 
Blogger Trinity13 said...

I agree Sandy...a spouse (more specifically a man) shows their love through actions.

You can have mine Minerva! HA!!! Just kiddin!

It means more if said less Karen...so only for big occasions works for me!

I disagree (naturally...heehee) with most of your points G. I don't need an I love you to know that I am loved. It's all about the actions baby!!! For example, when you clean out the litter box, it means more to me than you saying "those 3 little words".

And I'm sure hearing "I love you too" wouldn't mean so much to you if I said it all the time. It would lose it's meaning and you would become used to it.

It may be a huge rush for you (only because I don't say I love you very often), but for me it isn't. I don't feel anything when you tell me that you love me (since I already know that you do). And I think it's because you say it waaaay too much! It has lost it's meaning. I'm just not feelin the love.

It is nice to hear it G, but not all the time. Instead show me that you love me. Or back up your words with action. Saying I love you is the easy way out...instead, romance your wife!!! And start tonight...if you know what I mean! Heehee!

I'm working on it Cube, thanks!

January 13, 2006 9:14 AM

 
Blogger yvaine said...

that's sweet of him, i think. :) hi! michele sent me!

January 13, 2006 9:24 AM

 
Blogger Plain Jane said...

Like Sandy, I smile and say something else. Usually, it's "Thank you..."

He might get the hint then. :)

Here from Michele's!

January 13, 2006 9:31 AM

 
Blogger amanda said...

i have to say, I employ the same tactic as Sandy when my husband gets too mushy. :)

Here via Michele.

January 13, 2006 9:37 AM

 
Blogger ribbiticus said...

you're luckier in the sense that there are others in the world whose partners can't even say those three little words. it's nice to hear from time to time. :)

michele sent me today.

January 13, 2006 9:39 AM

 
Blogger Princess21 said...

Ok....I seem like the odd one out!! My hubby says it all the time and I always reply with I love you too! I think it is great!! And if he truly loves me, no matter how many times he says it he means it!!! And I think telling him he says it too much may result in them feeling as if they should never say it.....which is not good. You should always encourage them to express how much they love you in whatever form they see fit at that time. I don't know.....But I love you Trin!! :)

January 13, 2006 10:15 AM

 
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

You aren't crazy. You just operate differently from him. As long as he respects that, and doesn't get upset when you don't say it back, then don't worry about it. This is something my husband and I have to work on when it comes to being "touchy feely" becuase it's not my bag. And, if I feel forced or made to feel obligated to do something I get really resentful and rebellious.

I think the best thing you could do is just talk to him about it and your reasoning. It is great you have a husband who is so ready to tell you he loves you though! A lot of women have it the other way around. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

January 13, 2006 10:29 AM

 
Blogger Trinity13 said...

What's with all the :)'s???? Heehee!

I know G means it PJ...but I don't feel it. That's the difference. I need actions to back up words. That's how I feel love from him, that is how my love tank gets filled. My love languages are words of affirmation combined with acts of service. One usually can't be done without the other to make me feel loved. So I want more than the words since the words alone do nothing for me. If he really loved me and wanted to show it, he would show me love in my language and not how he sees fit at that time. Like I said, I feel more love from him when he cleans out the litter box then when he says I love you...but that's just me! Ha!!!

We def have some things in common Crazy Momcat! I'm not a touchy feely person either. I like my space and I don't like being forced to do anything. I do appreciate him saying I love you though! I just wish I felt the love behind it.

January 13, 2006 10:40 AM

 
Blogger FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

No you're not crazy. It's just that you have been hearing these words to many times that you feel it doesn't mean anything any longer but to your spouse, it may mean something. If he says it many times maybe he just doesn't know how to show you how much he does love you - reason for repeated I Love You.
Don't take yourself too seriously but never never fail to take your spouse seriously enough.

January 13, 2006 10:53 AM

 
Blogger Princess21 said...

I think you just want that litte box cleaned!!! :)

I understand you....but you also have to understand how they express love....even if it is not how you percieve it!! You can't make someone show you exactly how you want to feel it. I get the whole love tank thing.....I don't know. I think you would really benefit from the sunday school class A and are involved in. It helps you understand a lot about your spouse!!

January 13, 2006 11:10 AM

 
Blogger Jana said...

Have you read that Love Languages book by Gary Chapman? It might help you sort this out!

January 13, 2006 11:36 AM

 
Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

The same thing goes on at my house - sometimes I just don't want to say it. You say it too often and it doesn't mean anything, right?

January 13, 2006 11:58 AM

 
Blogger Trinity13 said...

He does have a hard time showing me love FC...but he is working on it.

I just love it when he does it PJ!

Your right PJ, I can't make G show me love in the way that I actually feel it. But he should want make me feel loved. It all comes down to speaking each others love language. He could rub my feet every night, hold my hand where ever we go, give me tons of hugs, or rest his hand on my leg while we are sitting together...but I don't feel love through this. His language is physical touch, so that is how he would express his love for me. But in order for me to feel the love he has for me, he needs to give me affirming words and acts of service (the two work hand in hand with me). I'll have to let ya borrow the 5 love languages book PJ...it's a wonderful read and you find out so much about how to express your love for your spouse in the way they can feel it.

Oh yes Jana...I love it!

Right Armaedes!

January 13, 2006 1:15 PM

 
Blogger Better Safe Than Sorry said...

you're each kind of doing your own thing, but i'm pretty sure each time he says, he really means it. just cuz you're his wife doesn't necessarily mean he has to say it. he sounds real sweet, you're lucky. now if that doesn't make you want to say it to him...

January 13, 2006 2:40 PM

 
Blogger ghraper said...

Thanks PJ and BSTS. It's good to know that not everyone thinks I'm an idiot for telling Trin I love her.

January 13, 2006 10:23 PM

 
Blogger Trinity13 said...

I know BSTS, I am a lucky woman!

I don't think you are an idiot G!!! How's this, I will say I love you more if you say it less...that work for you?

January 13, 2006 11:40 PM

 
Blogger ghraper said...

Yes sweetikens, I stop giving you so much tat.

January 14, 2006 11:40 PM

 
Blogger mrsg said...

I think we say it alot sometimes, but I think its our "thing". We know we mean it and if we stopped, I would be so sad. But as long as your hubby understands you, then no fear!

January 16, 2006 10:53 AM

 

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